There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fill condoms, not promises.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
