Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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