i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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