someone owes me an orgasm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
