Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
