Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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