Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My life is pants optional.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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