Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
