glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
