Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
