seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
