So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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