I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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