well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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