This is not my ceiling
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
