I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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