Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My liver just had a heart attack.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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