Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I deserve this hangover.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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