I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
