so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
