I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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