she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
