life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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