just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
