this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
