You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
