I heard we made out
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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