Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
