You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
