he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
