Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
