If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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