Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
