tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
