All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
