I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
