if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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