she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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