But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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