dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
