Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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