The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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