how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize