hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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