it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
