ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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