oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
