Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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