I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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