Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
