fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize