So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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