I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
