You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
