I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
