at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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