I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
