Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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