My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dicks are not precious.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
