We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
