I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
