I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
