Porn is love you can see.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
