I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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