I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
