just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
