I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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