I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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