Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
