If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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