after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
