I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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