I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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