dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My life is pants optional.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
