I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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