he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
