don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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