i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
