Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
