wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
