Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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