Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
