he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
