either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
